I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
