She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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