he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
