I'm eating all of the evidence.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
