my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
