She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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