tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
