one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
