Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
