Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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