how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
