Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
from now on my penis is your penis
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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