I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
