Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
