I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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