It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
