Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
