THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
