I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
