he thought i was a dude.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
