so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
