I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
