Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We got so high we made milksteak
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
