i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize