He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
