Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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