I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
