I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
