I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
