I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
