Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
