I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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