You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
