now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
