So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
