Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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