I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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