I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
