her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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