I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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