i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
