I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
