Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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