if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
