I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
