it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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