If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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