thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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