remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
