I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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