apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
