you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
