It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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